beitrag_maenner

Der moderne Mann oder Fifty Shades of Man


Die Vorstellungen davon, wie ein Mann zu sein hat, und die Realität driften in unserer heutigen Gesellschaft auseinander. Eine Herausforderung, bei der die Beratungsstelle „Männer-welten“ hilft.
Ein Artikel von Mascha K. Horngacher

AdobeStock_199100848Nicht nur das Klima steckt in der Krise, auch Männer tun es. Zum Beispiel Michael. Er ist 39, selbstbewusst, durchsetzungsstark, empathisch und kommunikativ, beteiligt sich hingebungsvoll an der Kindererziehung, trainiert seinen Bizeps und schwingt den Kochlöffel. Kurz: Michael ist ein Alpha-Softie. Und eine Erfindung. Seine Beschreibung verkörpert ein Männlichkeitsideal, das viele Männer heutzutage verunsichert. Denn es fordert die Verbindung des klassisch Männlichen – rational, autonom, leistungs- und wettbewerbsorientiert – mit der modernen Vorstellung eines gefühlvollen Mannes.
Der gesellschaftliche Wandel hat sie eben nicht gänzlich aufgelöst, die Geschlechterstereotypen. So zum Beispiel den Mann als Haupternährer der Familie. Trotz Rollenwandel ist dieses Stereotyp nach wie vor in vielen Köpfen sowohl von Männern als auch von Frauen. Dass aus ökonomischen Gründen kaum mehr ein Mann diese Rolle erfüllen kann, ist jedoch die Realität. Genauso wie eine gleichberechtige Elternschaft oft Einschnitte in puncto Wohlstand bedeuten kann.
Entweder-oder lautet die Wirklichkeit. Das Sowohl-als-auch verwirrt und setzt unter Druck. Weitere „männliche Wirklichkeiten“ zeigen Statistiken: Mehr Männer als Frauen sind von Krankheit, Suizid, Gefängnisstrafen und sichtbarer Obdachlosigkeit betroffen. Wo liegen die Ursachen dieser psychosozialen Risiken, die auch kaum Eingang in eine öffentliche Diskussion finden?

Veränderung schafft Unsicherheit

Foto: Privat

Foto: Privat

Die Auflösung von patriarchalen Strukturen hin zu partnerschaftlichen und kooperativen Modellen verspricht zwar erfolgreicher zu sein, bedeutet jedoch auch Unsicherheit. Und diese, so Harald Burgauner, halten Männer schlecht aus. Burgauner ist Leiter der Salzburger Beratungsstelle „Männerwelten“ (Rechtsträger: Jugend am Werk GmbH), eine professionelle Männerberatung, die seit zwanzig Jahren auch Gewaltprävention in den Mittelpunkt stellt. Der Umgang mit Unsicherheiten, sagt er, veranlasse Männer oft dazu, in gewalttätiges Handeln auszuweichen. Aggression und Wut, Abwehr und Vermeidung, Sucht- und Risikoverhalten verstärken Probleme jedoch mehr, als dass sie diese lösen. Da die traditionelle Männlichkeitsnorm vorsieht, dass Probleme alleine zu lösen sind, suchen und erhalten Männer weniger soziale Unterstützung. Dem möchte die Beratungsstelle mit ihrem Angebot entgegentreten und fördert dabei eine neue Männlichkeit: Der moderne Mann kann sich ins Gegenüber hineinversetzen, ist einfühlsam und versucht, Wut und Zorn gewaltfrei zu kanalisieren.

Männer – Opfer schädlicher Männlichkeitsbilder?

Foto: Maksim M - stock.adobe.com

Foto: Maksim M – stock.adobe.com

Klar, die klassische Männlichkeitsvorstellung bringt Chancen auf Privilegien. Sie birgt aber auch das Risiko hoher persönlicher Kosten und Männer können selbst Opfer in einem patriarchalen System sein

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. Männliche Opfererfahrungen untersucht der Sozialwissenschaftler Hans-Joachim Lenz. Er analysierte, dass dominierende Männlichkeitsbilder die Rivalität zwischen Geschlechtsgenossen fördern. Zugehörige Demütigungen und Niederlagen gehören häufig zum Aufwachsen und zum Alltag von Buben und Männern. Auf eine solche Erfahrung folgt der Versuch, sich anzupassen und Strategien zu entwickeln, um nicht als schwach zu gelten. Lenz‘ Analyse nach sind viele Männer im Alter zwischen 16 und 25 Jahren von körperlicher Gewalt durch andere Männer betroffen. Doch entsprechend der traditionellen Männlichkeitsvorstellung fühlen sie sich oft nicht als Opfer, sondern als Versager, weil sie sich zum Beispiel nicht gut genug gewehrt haben. Diese Wahrnehmung verhindert, dass Betroffene ihre eigene Verletzlichkeit erkennen und rechtzeitig Hilfe holen.

Fotos: Viacheslav Iakobchuk; reichdernatur; pololia - stock.adobe.com

Fotos: Viacheslav Iakobchuk; reichdernatur; pololia – stock.adobe.com

In der Männerberatung geht es um Gefühle
Der Vorstellung, Probleme müssten alleine gelöst werden, kontert die Beratungsstelle „Männerwelten“. Alleine dadurch, dass Männern zugehört und versucht wird, sie zu verstehen und ihnen ehrliches Feedback gegeben wird, werden Zwänge von rigider Männlichkeit gesprengt. Als Erziehungswissenschaftler fokussiert sich Harald Burgauner auf emotionale Kompetenz. Eine erlernbare Fähigkeit, die jedoch in der traditionellen männlichen Sozialisation kaum eine Rolle spielt. Dabei ist der Umgang mit Gefühlen das Thema, das die Beratung und Präventionsarbeit begleitet. Die Fähigkeit zur Reflexion sei Bedingung für Veränderung und Burgauners Beobachtung ist, dass Klienten, die einen hohen Leidensdruck haben, die gemeinsamen Gespräche als erleichternd erleben.

Beratung: Seelenstriptease oder Erfolgsstrategie
Viele der Klienten tragen ihre ungelösten Konflikte lange mit sich herum. Die Herausforderung ist es, sich die Bewältigungsmuster, unter denen sie selbst und oft ihre Familien leiden, einzugestehen und diese zu verändern. Hinzu kommt noch die Bewertung von externer Hilfe als Schwäche – nicht verwunderlich, dass die Männerforschung vom „einsamen Scheitern“ spricht. Dafür hat Burgauner einen guten Vergleich: „Erfolgreiche Spitzensportler werden bewundert. Die haben ihren Erfolg aber auch nicht nur sich selbst zu verdanken, sondern sind auf Korrekturen durch Trainer angewiesen. Sie lernen aus Fehlern und haben die Bereitschaft, Neues auszuprobieren.“ Wer neue Wege geht, erlebt oft unmittelbar neue Perspektiven und mehr Lebensqualität.

Konstruktion versus Realität
Eine zentrale Frage in der Beratung gebührt der Rolle, die „Mann“ einnehmen will. Wie willst du sein? Wie willst du handeln? Welche Glaubenssätze hast du bezüglich der Männlichkeit? Dabei spricht Burgauner von „Männlichkeiten“, von verschiedenen Rollen, die in verschiedenen Kontexten ausgelebt werden. Im optimalen Fall bemerkt der Klient, dass er selber diese Vorstellungen konstruiert und diese manchmal unbewusst weitergegeben hat. Eine gute Beratung schärft die Eigenverantwortung und schafft Klarheit. Die Königsfrage dabei lautet „Was willst du?“
Lassen wir jene Männer antworten, die 1970 in Kalifornien das erste „Männerzentrum“ gegründet haben: „Wir als Männer möchten unsere volle Menschlichkeit wieder haben. (…) Wir möchten uns selbst gern haben; wir möchten uns gut fühlen und unsere Sinnlichkeit, unsere Gefühle, unseren Intellekt und unseren Alltag zufrieden erleben.“

beratungsstellen-maenner
Foto: Photographee.eu – stock.adobe.com


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